New Rule: Religion

New Rule, Religion must be kept within a five thousand mile radius of anything sane and logical.

Why?

Simple, you put religion where it doesn’t belong and shit gets crazy.

Take science. We live in a nation that takes the belief of creative design over the theory of evolution. I’m sorry, show me the scientific evidence that Satan turned into a snake and tempted Eve into eating the apple to get them cast of the garden of Eden and then have kids with Adam (Who went on to kill his brother in the first fit of spoiled brattery and then to fix it the parents have another kid. Smart.) and I’ll believe it. However, there is more evidence to the fact of the theory of evolution is more correct then creative design. Yes, that’s right. There’s more scientific evidence that we came from Monkey’s then Dirt. Radical thinking, I know.

Now see, you can all make religion and science work together. But no. People who try just end up getting eaten. And why? Seriously, what harm is to going to hurt to say ‘hey, we didn’t come into play only 5,000 years ago (and by the way, there’s evidence of modern humans over 7,000 years ago. 5,000 years is civilization not the human race.) and maybe we did come from monkey?’ and if you believe that god made all things why not monkey that evolved into Man? Radical thinking man! Radical!

And please, keep religion out of my government. If you insist on it being there, then I insist you give up your tax exempt status. Because really, that’s only fair. You make more money preaching about fear and hell then the government takes in in taxes each year. If you can afford to drive a Cadillac then you are making too much money and therefor need to share. Especially if you feel the need to foist your religious views onto my rights. And if you try to do that, I will throw an epic shit fit the likes no one has ever seen. And I’ve had some doozies, just ask my mom. You must realize that not everyone here worships the same religion, so please tell me, which religion would we put into office? Because you know, that somehow is going to help with foreign policy and job creation. No, you want religion in government so you can treat me like an incubator the moment I conceive a child. Because as a woman, I am clearly therefore evil, Pandora and Eve just proved that! And therefore I cannot be trusted to make any rational decisions on my body. I tell you what, when you nut cases can regulate my period, then you all can tell me my reproductive rights. Until then, keep your hand off my uterus.

 

Religion must be kept out of public school. If you want to send your kid to Catholic school, you cannot bitch about prayer in school. Come on, it’s Catholic school. What do the Catholics do? Repent like hell. And they start young. So don’t complain. But public schools, are paid by public taxes. If your church is paying for the school then sure, prayers and bibles for all! But until then, stay the hell out. We are supposed to be expanding minds. Not teaching a narrow point of view that can only be backed up with a book that was written by a game of telephone. And we all know how wonderful that game is for keeping information true.

I get the right to religious freedom. Hey, if you want to believe that pigeons are preventing the second coming of Jesus, you go and knock yourself out. I don’t care. But do not shove your religion on me or into government. No, we don’t need more religion in school. We don’t need to look to the bible to create laws. Not everyone believes in the bible nor do they believe in every single thing in there. And you gay bashers, stop picking and choosing what matters in the bible and you can use as your defense. If you’re going to start throwing the Book of Leviticus at me, I’m going to hurl it right back at you. If you want to be taken seriously then you need to follow everything in the bible. Not just what you want. So get rid of those clothes with mixed fibers (Leviticus 19:19) , that’s a sin. Anyone who is divorced must be killed. If a woman isn’t a virgin on her wedding night, the marriage isn’t legal and she too has to be killed. If you work on the Sabbath, no matter what it is, you have to be killed. (I guess the whole “To err is human, to forgive is divine” doesn’t apply here.) You can’t talk to a woman seven days before or after her period nor during her period (Leviticus 15:19-20) . No shellfish or pork (Leviticus 11:10 & Leviticus 11:7) , no balls made out of the skin of pigs or football on Sundays! (Exodus 20:8) and no round haircuts. No piercings or tattoos and no shaving (Leviticus 19:27). No Gossiping (Leviticus 19:16) and no cursing (Leviticus 5:4). You’re a sinner if you do any of this. Not going to follow this? Then shut up about how God thinks homosexuality is a sin. Are you God? No. In the Bible Jesus says “love one another as I have loved you” as well as “Judge not, lest ye be judged” and “Let he who is without sin, cast the first stone” And since your probably wearing mixed fibers, you’re a sinner so put down the damn rock.

We, as American’s, are supposed to be this smart and advanced nation. No, not Utopia or Atlantis, but we aren’t supposed to be the hillbillies from Deliverance either! Come on and wake up people! We are teaching kids not to listen to teachers about the big bang theory because somehow that’s heathen words! Well no. It’s a matter of opinion. We need to believe in a talking snake, but evolving from Apes, now that’s just unnatural!

No, here’s what’s unnatural. What we’ve come to. When growing up, I was told how great this country is and I have to say, if I paid for this ride, I’d demand my money back because this so not what I paid for. I am surrounded by people who no longer can talk to each other intelligently. We are bringing up kids who are self-entitled and can’t handle failing grades. We don’t like having a black man in the white house (And let’s face it, that’s the reason most of the tea party protests against him. They can claim all they like it’s something else but it’s not) We are mis-educating our kids by telling them that some deity made us out of dirt (But don’t believe the Ancient Egyptians even though their legends say the same damn thing) and that we can’t teach kids about sex even though it’s everywhere and we as a society allow it since it markets to our base desires.

If you are going to allow religions that have magic underpants and consider caffeine a sinful thing and another who uses Independence Day as proof we have been visited then I am going to create my own. I shall call it The Fellowship of the Doctor and we shall all wear bow ties and Fez’s and run around defending those who can’t help themselves because no one else will stand up for them.